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Loving the Holes

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As I’ve said many times before, I’m a big fan of Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project, with her brilliant attempt to explore every bit of happiness advice she encountered in a year and document the process. Her resulting Resolutions, and her tools to help readers quantify theirs, has become a full-on movement, with facebook fans and Happiness Project Groups across the world. (PS – Her book is out! My copy is on the way) .

That said, sometimes an old idea that stood in your way for a long time falls away on it’s own – dies a natural death, perhaps? – without a resolution, sometimes before you can even name it.

I realized today that a good bit of what I used to think of as “perfectionism” has fallen away. Not in a lazy way, because it’s easier not to, but because sometimes things don’t really get good until they get a little broken in.

My wonderful boyfriend was the one who really taught me this one. Many of his softest, favorite t-shirts have a little paint from one of his projects, or the tiny holes that are the telltale sign of many, many washings. All would have made it to my Goodwill bin by now, in the past. But now I don’t just tolerate, but almost embrace the little signs that something has been well loved.

I used to give away all manner of things with tiny imperfections – replacing them with things still new and unblemished, spending energy protecting them (always, eventually, failing) and starting over. And it’s not the economy that has me rethinking this process – it’s deeper, more about something that still has it’s value, still does it’s job, even with little blemishes. Kind of like me. Kind of like the people I love. I think there’s something really honest about learning to love things for what they really are, instead of what you wish they were.

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